As I journey I have come to realize that my nervous system is in shock from past traumas which is a factor to me having rheumatoid arthritis. Though now I seem at peace, my body and repressed memories seem to remember and in certain situations I get triggered.
When triggered my flight, fight or freeze mode kicks in and I never understood why until now.
To heal from rheumatoid arthritis I figure I need to deal with healing in several levels that are not mutually exclusive but connected to each other.
1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Spiritual
Physical
My gluten free diet is definitely helping
, but not the cure. If I fall off the band wagon and begin to sneak some wheat in my diet, my joints do feel it right the next morning. I'm still on Enbrel once a week for the mean time.
I figure healing must happen at a deeper level and there is still a disconnect and also a bit of neglect of my body. So often, I ignore the cries from my body for sleep, healthy food and WATER!!
Coincidentally and not so "coincidentally", I recently got hired as the accountant at Bikram Vancouver Yoga. I would never do Yoga because it meant I must show my deformed arthritis feet, but what the heck I tried it!
To my surprise, by the end of the class, I didn't care who was looking at my feet. I felt more grounded, better equipped to listen to my body, and detoxified! That was only 1 class! I'm excited to continue and I know that Bikram Yoga is meant to be for me at this time and this place in my healing journey.
Emotional
Though I feel good, most of the time, deep within, there are still unresolved issues which hinders me from being free to be me. Slowly, I'm breaking out of my shell, accepting and loving who I am. Slowly, I am
FEELING the safety that I know is true around me. I believe being emotionally well, doesn't mean feeling good all the time, but equipped to identify, honor and respond to our feelings in a healthy way.
Spiritually
Some may say I fell off the chart here, from operating a Christian book store, to working for a Yoga company, but for me, I see God differently. For now, I have taken God out of the church! He has opened my eyes to his presence in places never imagined.
Here's a story to explain:
Jesus walked up to a girl crying outside the church:
"My daughter, why are you crying?"
She replied, "They won't let me in because.. (fill in the blank... i.e. I'm gay or I smoke, I .....)..."
Jesus hugs her and says "I'm sorry, I know how you feel. They won't let me in either"
Not saying that all churches are judgmental, but for me at this time, I need to break free and know my God outside the building. He has lead me to Bikram Yoga, and I believe it's part of his plan to heal me by pointing me back to loving, caring, knowing, integrating, listening, to my body which is a gift from God!