Work Life Balance - Children, Career, Marriage, Finances, Social Life

Here I am blogging about "Work Life Balance" when its been over 5 months since my last post!

As you see, I've been consumed with the demands of life especially with my 2 young children, career, finances, social life, and marriage.  My health has been good. No complaints here. Enbrel is still working and I've decreased my dosage to twice month and quarterly check ins with my specialist.  

However, some recent economic changes has led me to ask whether to decrease or increase my work load. I think this is a question, many mothers face these days. 

On one hand lies the opportunity to advance my career objectives, gain more experience, and of course more MONEY! and yet on the other hand lies the opportunity to be present with my children to nurture, teach, and lay the foundation of their lives for their future. Many women would argue that being a SAHM would be best, while others argue that financial stability would better the family's future.  There is no right answer, but I hope some of the following articles will shed some light for you as it did for me. 

Career and Motherhood - Panel Interview
I found this video very intriguing and hopeful as it shows 4 career women balancing the life of motherhood and advancing their careers. Its no doubt though that these women all have chosen and created their own environment that works for them. Career and motherhood does not have to be mutually exclusive but can be synergistic and rewarding.

Forbes Article: Why I Have Regrets About Being a Stay At Home Mom
This article reinforced my decision to continue pursuing my career, finding quality opportunities over quantity. 

Here's a summary of some tips I have found helpful

1. Be Mindful and Present  - No matter what you are doing, whether work or play, be present. Its easy to get side tracked thinking about the "got tos", or checking emails on your smart phone. Rather make each moment count by being fully present to capture each moment with your children, friends and loved ones and the same goes with work. Blocking out time to be fully present at work will lead to better productivity and efficiency. 

2. Schedule Time to Nurture and Work on Marriage - I am no expert here, but we plan date nights once a week to nurture our marriage as well as counselling once a week to work on our marriage. I believe the best thing we can provide for our children is a good model of a healthy marriage. Also a healthy marriage will be the catalyst for healthy parenting. 

3. Take Daily Time-Outs - I thought time outs were only for kids, but we need them too! Pay attention to your mood and body. If you are getting cranky or tired, best to take a time out whether it be 2 mins or 2 hours to rejuvenate. 

4. Connect with Your Friends - With both work, marriage, and children, its easy to isolate in the busyness of life without socializing with your friends. Plan a night out with just you and your friends and have some fun! If the week is too busy, even a phone call will do wonders for your soul. 

5. Use your Village - It takes a village to raise a child! Use your resources if they are available and don't be shy to ask, whether it be parents, inlaws, siblings, or even hired help. 

6. Create a Budget - It's easy to loose sight of finances especially with all the "needs" we have raising children.  Creating a budget it self is the start to controlling finances.  

7. Connect with God - Whether you believe or not, I think God is with us, guiding our circumstances, performing miracles, and blessing us along our journey.  Taking time outs to pray and/or connecting in your special way with God brings peace, guidance, assurance, and hope. 

8. Connect with Yourself - Its easy to get consumed with the demands of work, children, spouse, and leave yourself out. Your needs are just as valid and important.  Take time to nurture your own body, mind and spirit.  


I'd love to hear more, leave me your thoughts.....

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Spot Light on Rheumatoid Arthritis Research for Cause and Treatment and Cure

Recently there seems to be more exposure and spotlight on Rheumatoid Arthritis Research.

1. In June of this year, more than 14,000 people from over 110 countries gathered in Madrid, Spain to attend the largest rheumatology event in Europe, the annual meeting of the European League Against Rheumatism (EULAR 2013). 

2.  New York Times featured a  Three Part Q & A on Rheumatoid Arthritis

Both articles seem to highlight the importance of taking our medications and the effectiveness of biologics. Many RA patients also commented on Diet and Exercise as crucial steps to better health and maintaining the disease. 


PTSD & Rheumatoid Arthritis

What I failed to see but am quite positive is that there is a positive correlation between PTSD and RA.

Here are a couple of studies I found online:
A)  http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/content/72/5/481.short?rss=1
B)  http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/acr.21778/abstract


My Own Journey - Healing Process

I visited my Rheumatologist today to review my blood work. He was happy to see that my Rheumatoid Factor has decreased from 400 to 30!!! 

Currently I take my Enbrel on an as needed basis (1 - 2 / month), avoid foods that I'm apparently allergic too, but did not know (gluten, mushrooms, eggs), bikram yoga as my form of exercise and meditation.  In addition, I've been through multiple counselling sessions to heal my traumatic memories using EMDR, CBT, and grounding exercises.  - One of the keys to my healing I believe is calming my nerves literally, by practicing deep breathing, working through my triggers, and listening to my self better.  An area that is not yet spoken of in these recent discussions. Perhaps its still an area the light needs to shine on for most.

Finding Cause and Cure for RA (cont.) - Bikram Yoga ?

 

Back Ground: What is Rheumatoid Arthritis?

RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) is an autoimmune disease where a person's immune system attacks itself, specifically the synovial fluid in the joints, causing inflammation, stiffness, and in most severe cases immobility and deformity.

What is the Cause?

Research shows that the cause of RA is UNKNOWN.  However, I've done my own personal research, and have compared my findings to my own personal life events, environment, and triggers.  This is my own conclusion.

I believe RA roots from trauma. When we experience trauma, our nervous system automatically responds and tells our brain & body to either 1. Fight, 2. Flight or 3. Freeze. (further reading: Waking the Tiger, by Peter Levine, Phd)  However, unlike animals who shake out the trauma, most humans are left still traumatized inside. We can continue our life as if nothing happened, yet easily find ourselves living in a hyperactive life full of stress as if it is our norm (our own familiarity). This hyperactivity speeds up our immune system with it, combined with the excess stress, our immune system begins to attack itself. It also then begins to attack familiar objects as if they were foreign and can manifest itself into "allergies". 

A book titled "When the Body Says No" by Gabor Mate, suggests that internalized stress and repressed feelings, will manifest itself into illnesses, one of so called mentioned, Rheumatoid Arthritis. See: Pychoneuroimmunology Post

Steps to Healing...

I believe the key to healing involves integrating our mind, body and spirit, allowing God to breath "peace and stillness" into every living cell that still shouts  "HELP".   In addition, loving ourselves enough to eat healthy, sleep at least 8 hours a day, drink 6-8 glasses of water and recognizing our own limits. 

Since I've discovered my own allergies "gluten & eggs", (see: Natural Path Allergy Test Report Post), diet plays a huge roll, eliminating foods that causes further inflammation.

Finally I have been doing bikram yoga once a week for the past 5 weeks. In the heat, as my heart races, I am at the same time, STILL, telling myself that I am safe. My body becomes stronger, my joints more flexible and mobile, and best of all, my mind at peace.  During the savasna pose (rests), I lie in stillness, thanking God and myself for every breath I take.

It's been 5 weeks since I've taken my enbrel injection. Do I flare? .... Sure I do. I notice joint stiffness when I burn the candles on both ends, staying up late night and waking early to care for my toddler and my 5 month old baby. However, I feel better after a yoga class, and the joints that hurt the night before are better the next day.

I will keep you posted and if truly Bikram Yoga will help enough that I can be drug free and since I still breast feed, my baby drug free too. 

Mommy Tips & Lessons from My Child

I often reflect on how being a mom has changed me and enriched my life and thought it would be good to share this today.

1. Respect & Love - In order to teach your child to respect and love himself and others; you must respect and love yourself. There are times for selfless sacrifices; but just remember, you need to be healthly to take care of your child. So take time out for mommy to rejeuvenate, self care, and relax.

2. Express! - Notice how children express their feelings with no hesitation. They cry when something bothers them, and laugh easily at simple amusements. They find joy in almost everything around them. It's important to notice and express your feelings in a healthy way and explore what brings you joy (one of mine is writing).

3. Don't Be Shy! - When my son sees children, he goes right up to them and joins in on what they are doing whether it be eating or playing. He is not shy at all and there is no hint of our common "fear of rejection".  The children too are welcoming and accepting! The more the merrier!
As adults, we have lost this hospitality and beleive its socially awkward. We can learn alot about community, love, acceptance and playfulness watching children interact with each other.

4. Forgive Quickly - One minute Lucas is mad that I took away his toy and the next minute he is kissing me on the cheek. Children express their discontentment right away, maybe throw a fit, and then they are ok! We as adults have somehow learned to bury our discontentment so deep that it becomes resentment and we hold grudges for who knows how long. Perhaps children forgive quickly aslo due to their short-term memory, but regardless there is a freedom when we forgive.

5. Unconditional Love - I love my son no matter what he does or doesn't do, no matter how naughty he can be, or perhaps behave like an angel, regardless, he is my son and I LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY.  Do I offer this same kind of love to myself? Am I quick to say I hate myself when I ".........".  Being a mom has given me the capacity to love unconditionally and my child is teaching me how to extend this not only to him but myself and others.

6. Love our Bodies! - Children are amused at every inch of their bodies. They love their little toes, kiss themselves in the mirror and will not say or think "oh my arms are too big, or tummy to fat". No, children LOVE their bodies, the way it looks and the way it moves, everthing about it.

7. Be Curious - Children are so curious of everything around them and love to explore! Lets not loose that child like curiosity when we become adults. Our lives is a life time of learning, loving, living, and laughing.

Cure to Rheumatoid Arthritis Continued

As I journey I have come to realize that my nervous system is in shock from past traumas which is a factor to me having rheumatoid arthritis. Though now I seem at peace, my body and repressed memories seem to remember and in certain situations I get triggered.

When triggered my flight, fight or freeze mode kicks in and I never understood why until now.

To heal from rheumatoid arthritis I figure I need to deal with healing in several levels that are not mutually exclusive but connected to each other.

1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Spiritual

Physical
My gluten free diet is definitely helping, but not the cure. If I fall off the band wagon and begin to sneak some wheat in my diet, my joints do feel it right the next morning. I'm still on Enbrel once a week for the mean time.
I figure healing must happen at a deeper level and there is still a disconnect and also a bit of neglect of my body.  So often, I ignore the cries from my body for sleep, healthy food and WATER!! 

Coincidentally and not so "coincidentally", I recently got hired as the accountant at Bikram Vancouver Yoga. I would never do Yoga because it meant I must show my deformed arthritis feet, but what the heck I tried it!
To my surprise, by the end of the class, I didn't care who was looking at my feet. I felt more grounded, better equipped to listen to my body, and detoxified! That was only 1 class!  I'm excited to continue and I know that Bikram Yoga is meant to be for me at this time and this place in my healing journey.


Emotional
Though I feel good, most of the time, deep within, there are still unresolved issues which hinders me from being free to be me. Slowly, I'm breaking out of my shell, accepting and loving who I am. Slowly, I am FEELING the safety that I know is true around me. I believe being emotionally well, doesn't mean feeling good all the time, but equipped to identify, honor and respond to our feelings in a healthy way.

Spiritually
Some may say I fell off the chart here, from operating a Christian book store, to working for a Yoga company, but for me, I see God differently. For now, I have taken God out of the church! He has opened my eyes to his presence in places never imagined.

Here's a story to explain:

Jesus walked up to a girl crying outside the church:
"My daughter, why are you crying?" 


She replied, "They won't let me in because.. (fill in the blank... i.e. I'm gay or I smoke, I .....)..."


Jesus hugs her and says "I'm sorry, I know how you feel. They won't let me in either"  


Not saying that all churches are judgmental, but for me at this time, I need to break free and know my God outside the building. He has lead me to Bikram Yoga, and I believe it's part of his plan to heal me by pointing me back to loving, caring, knowing, integrating, listening, to my body which is a gift from God!

Psychoneuroimmunology - When the Body Says No

Psychoneuroimmunology??? What the heck is that?  It is the study of the interaction between psychological processes and the nervous and immune systems of the human body.

Well, I just finished reading a book written by Gabor Mate titled, When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection, and it has confirmed my initial belief that this yucky RA autoimmune disease is emotionally related, not just physi

cal.

He uses many stories and examples from people who have the same illnesses and found that a few common factors existed in all which are:

1. Childhood trauma / loss
2. Inability to say no / lack of boundaries
3. Repression of emotions especially anger
4. Serving everyone else but themselves
5. Lack of self worth and self awareness

6. Driven (to compensate for #5)

He also mentions that hidden stresses from our early programming, becomes a pattern so entrenched in our being that it feels normal. In other words, our minds don't even realize it; but our bodies are (well at least mine is) is crying out "no". 

Recently I've also explored professional counselling to seek healing from inside out. After a few sessions, I came to realize that I am always on guard as if I am perpetually in danger. Though my mind knows I'm not; my body still thinks I am and reacts. Hence anxiety level rises, my immune system is wonky and attacking, (except it's attacking the wrong thing, myself), and finally I end up judging myself. 

Both Gabor and my counsellor mentioned that self love and acceptance is crucial in the healing process.

One example in the book healed through daily practice of emotional self-inventory and of self-love that, little by little, "unfroze" each part of her body.  He dedicates a chapter on healing using 7 A's as acronyms for

1. Acceptance - Embrace our individuality and uniqueness, both strengths and weaknesses

2. Awareness - Be aware of our emotions, our bodies, our stressors

3. Anger - Allow anger to motivate healthy action

4. Autonomy - Develop our internal centre of control

5. Attachment - To allow and enjoy genuine emotional support from others

6. Assertion - To just BE, irrespective of action

7. Affirmation - To affirm our creative expressions and our connectedness (mine being today, writing)

Am I flaring now? Yes, my wrists are today, the question is Why? What is my body saying no to?
I guess it's something I'm going to have to ask, pay attention and listen for. 

No to self judgement and expectations
No to expectations from others
No to verbal abuse

No to hostile environments

No to demands from work
No to needy people

No No No!!!